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Post by Jennie- Friesian Fanatic! on Nov 12, 2014 12:45:59 GMT 1
So a few years back i had two miscarriages. One was at 3 weeks then the other at 11 weeks. The three week one wasn't bad and passed easily, however let me tell you about the 11 weeks one before i ask for advice.
It was new years eve when i had noticed that i had bled and instantly i knew something was wrong. I had gone to the hospital where they told me i would have to wait until morning to have a scan. So i waited, when the time came for the scan i was so nervous. After a few minutes they told me that there was no heart beat and i was completely distraught. I went home numb and broken being told to wait for the pregnancy to leave my body naturally. The next three days was a complete nightmare and made me seriously ill. Three times i had to phone an ambulance due to the pain, the pain caused me to be screaming, but was always told to go home and rest, even after i filled a bath tub with blood. After being ill for around a week i realised that my body wasn't doing what it should be doing. I went back to the hospital where they realised that i need an OP to remove the sack. After that i felt much better and was back on my feet. I have never shared this with anyone and this is the first time.
So here is my question.
I want to try again so badly but I'm always struck with paralysing fear that it will all go wrong again and ill suffer through pain and heartbreak once more. Im a type one diabetic as well. How can i possible remove the fear so i can have my happiness? Im always too scared...
Jennie - Friesian Fanatic.
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Post by happysnail on Nov 12, 2014 13:32:22 GMT 1
Dear Jennie,
My heart goes out to you. It's not something I've been through before, but a very close friend had 3 miscarriages over about 18 months (2 at less than six weeks and 1 at 11 weeks). There were no medical complications but the later one was apparently like going through a labour and a pretty horrible experience. She now has 2 beautiful healthy daughters but I know with the first she was a quite anxious through the pregnancy as they'd taken years to conceive and then had miscarriages. Another friend lost one at 12 weeks and had complications and surgery and lost another around 8 weeks. She was older and found it really difficult to conceive but now has a beautiful boy. For my friend who was slightly older, it took a lot of online research to get to the bottom of her fertility issues (linked to iodiopathic blood /hormonal issues that her mum had suffered from). I think both friends used online support forums and found (eventually) healthcare professions who really listened to them. I think both found it hard to take in/process any information about what was happening medically at the time and afterwards so the support networks were really important. First port of call is probably your GP. Take care. x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2014 14:51:58 GMT 1
Dear Jennie My daughter had an ectopic pregnancy and to see the hope and light go from her eyes when they told her was the worst moment I have had, being her mum I wanted to take the pain for her, and I truly would not know how she or you could feel, I only know I mopped up the tears from bothe dauther and son in law for weeks afterwards. One of the nurses at the hospital was kindness itself to her at thet time and she told my daughter 'don't think if it as a failure think of it as Mother Nature saying not this time, one day but just not yet' but they haven't tried for another baby mainly because they love their lives as they are and to tell the truth neither of them seem to think htey have missed being parents. But to you, talk it over with your GP explain your fears and worries and if they are any good they will understand you.........there are asome support groups for those who have lost babies due to miscarriage and other factors but you would have to see if any of them were local to you. I cannot pretend to understand how you felt or feel but I can understand your fears we all have those when we find out we are to be mothers! Speak to your GP and ask what help might be available for you
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Post by jennyb on Nov 12, 2014 16:23:14 GMT 1
Having children is pain and heartbreak at various stages, not just the conceiving stage! You have to be prepared to suck it up as best you can and pick yourself up and get on with it. Most women with 2.4 kids have had a loss at some stage, sadly it is very, very common. The outcome of a healthy and happy baby is worth it.
I had an ectopic in April of last year, it was my first pregnancy and I lost it at seven weeks. Sadly the care I got was woefully short of adequate, I was sent home with a "miscarriage" and had a total of three MONTHS of pain and bleeding until I had surgery privately for what they thought was a cyst on ultrasound, only for them to find a chronic ectopic, huge mass of old blood and fluid and a ruptured tube. We were devastated to be told our chances of conceiving were slashed.
Fast forward a little while and we have our beautiful son, I had my surgery in June last year and we were pregnant again in October. Seb is now four months old. My labour was 2.5 days long and ended in emergency c section, I got an infected scar, I found breastfeeding terribly painful for the first few weeks and have just had to stop as my back is shot due to the pregnancy hormones - three weeks ago I was on crutches and diazepam as my pelvis was so unstable! I'm now suffering the hormone crash after stopping feeding and at times am feeling really quite down.
My point is not to trivialise your experience at all - losing a pregnancy is devastating. But the whole journey can be rather fraught at different points and for different reasons so you've got to steel yourself for a physical and emotional roller coaster I'm afraid! It's very worth it though. Do bear in mind that if you suffer repeated miscarriages then you should see your GP as they might need to investigate the cause. Best of luck x
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Post by gwenoakes on Nov 13, 2014 11:02:50 GMT 1
No words or advice, just HUGE, HUGE, HUGE cuddles sent your way. XXXXXX
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Post by portiabuzz on Nov 13, 2014 11:10:08 GMT 1
My mum has 4 kids and miscarried at least 4 times in between. One was at 4 months I was only little but she was devestated. But she kept on trying and had us 4 in the end. I had miscarriage 4 years 2 months ago ( see I remember! ) spoke about it on here before. It wasn't the right time my mum said. Am looking forwards to trying a next year now we are married but am always going to be scared. I had some great advice on here so just wanted to share your not alone.
Take care hun xx
Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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Post by HolsBols on Nov 13, 2014 13:22:20 GMT 1
I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment but wanted to send you huge hugs!
Be kind to yourself xxx
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Post by Jennie- Friesian Fanatic! on Nov 14, 2014 11:25:29 GMT 1
Thankyou everyone for your kind words and advice. I have decided to let nature take its course and have come off the pill. If it happens then it happens, id rather let it happen naturally then force it. Thankyou for everything and sending big hugs to everyone!! xx
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Post by portiabuzz on Nov 14, 2014 11:36:47 GMT 1
Good luck hun xx
Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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Post by jennyb on Nov 14, 2014 20:19:41 GMT 1
Best of luck, it's worth it in the end! :-)
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Post by cookie on Nov 14, 2014 21:23:25 GMT 1
Brave post.
I have two kids. In between I had a miscarriage early in pregnancy but made horrid by unhelpful professionals, and ending with a hospital stay and blood transfusion...
It was hideous and scary but I did have one baby already so I guess I thought somewhere deep inside that I could do this and took comfort from this. I do think it would have been more terrifying and have had a longer negative effect if it had been my first pregnancy.
With your medical history speak with your GP and make sure there's no extra checks they would want to do. For example I have under active thyroid and have had this monitored closely through each pregnancy. Look after yourself keep yourself healthy and positive and trust and believe that it will happen when it's right. It's all you can do for now. Depending on your age it might be worth checking with your GP if you don't fall pregnant. Hugs and everything crossed for you X X As Jenny says being a parent will test every strength you have, that's what it's all about. Wouldn't have it any other way. X
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Post by troop on Nov 19, 2014 9:50:16 GMT 1
I'm just wanting to say huge hugs and much love, i would just add that one of my closest friends his diabetic and after miscarriage and a lot of soul searching she went for it and her and her partner have a baby boy. I dont wish to sound harsh but if it is meant to be it will happen. Please be gentle on yourself and again much love xxxxx wishing you every happiness!
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