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Post by HolsBols on Nov 10, 2014 15:39:47 GMT 1
Hi all,
Need some help on dealing with my hormones and learning some patience!! Let me explain...
I am in the most wonderful relationship and still hugely in love after 2 and a half years. I can't imagine my life without him and even when we drift apart, we get things back on track quickly and fall back in love regularly! This is my first relationship where everything has felt equal since day one. I know I'm incredibly lucky, and I don't want to waste a single day together because I've had many reminders of how short life is!
Now the problem is... I'm soooo happy that I'm ready to venture into the next stage of my life with him. I'm 27 (28 is looming quickly) and my body has also decided that it is ready and likes to play havoc regularly. Getting married and having a baby is like a permanent loop going round in my head, and I'm soooo ready! We both have good jobs, own a house and are incredibly happy, so I can't see any reason to wait... But my oh isn't ready yet!
I'm trying to back off and give him the space he needs, but I'm really struggling with patience! The only advice I get is "you're still young" (yes I know this but I'm ready now...) and "well just come off your pill and don't tell him [from his family I might add]". Not particularly helpful lol
So plllleeeeaaassseeee all ladies with hormones who like to torment them... How do I stop myself from turning into that crazy girlfriend that stores baby clothes in the shed 'just in case'?!??
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Post by jamesb on Nov 10, 2014 19:26:59 GMT 1
How do I stop myself from turning into that crazy girlfriend that stores baby clothes in the shed 'just in case'?!?? I have no idea…… All joking apart, I'm delighted you are in such a good place in your life. You deserve it
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Post by happysnail on Nov 10, 2014 19:35:14 GMT 1
James said it well. If you do come off the pill you'll know it's come from a deception and I think that would be difficult to deal with. Is marriage and kids something the OH wants in the future?
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Post by cookie on Nov 10, 2014 20:40:23 GMT 1
Now I agree that coming off the pill is deceitful and a rather sad and potentially worrying way to start a family (what if he really isn't happy). I did gently remind my oh that there's never an ideal time, there's always one more expense/holiday blah blah. I think I'd want to know if he sees marriage and babies in his future, give him some space but remind him that there's never a good time and, these things don't go to order. Lots of couples are shocked by how long it can take to fall pregnant after years of trying hard not to lol average is 12m I think, maybe a bit less as your relatively young but still, it doesn't happen over night. Enjoy being in a lovely place
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wills
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 4,657
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Post by wills on Nov 10, 2014 21:20:13 GMT 1
Have you had a serious chat with him, Maybe find out what his thoughts on your future are, when he sees things happening? I know it's hard when you are on different pages, my oh was/is desperate for another baby but I'm not. At first I wouldn't even engage in conversation about it other than to tell him I wouldn't consider it for at least 5 years, I didn't realise how much it meant to him until cracks started to show, sat down had a good long chat about it & realised how much it was affecting him. Turns out we were way out of sync for timings - to busy enjoying each other to think we might not always agree on when big mile stones should be reached! The good news is we are still happily together & now have a clear understanding of when things will be moving on the bad news (well for him) is he is going to have to wait, although maybe not quite 5 years Sit down, talk it out. Agree with others, don't just come off the pill! xx
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Post by portiabuzz on Nov 10, 2014 23:03:41 GMT 1
When I first met my now hubby he was not interested in getting married at all.. I was upset about it but moved on as I wanted to be with him. 4 years later he asked me to marry him and his family said he'd been thinking about it a while.. so I guess just try to move on for now and see what happens. Honestly I never thought I would be married but it came from him deciding he wanting to as I just dropped the whole subject for a good 2years. He knew I wanted to marry him after the first 6 months or so.
As for kids ever since I met him I knew I wanted his kids. Never felt that way before. I've posted before can't stop thinking about it etc but he knows we have talked and he now brought up the subject before we got married. Planning next year.
I guess I'm trying to say make your feelings clear and sit back and see. If he's the one whatever happens you will be happy xx good luck xx
Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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Post by HolsBols on Nov 10, 2014 23:32:27 GMT 1
Don't worry, if never even consider coming off the pill without telling him! Not a way I would want to start a family.
We've had a good serious chat about stuff, and I know he does want children, and marriage was always a mental block for him because the thought of a wedding is his personal hell (not the centre of attention sort of bloke) so when I explained that the wedding wasn't important for me but I actually wanted the marriage he understood and said he'd never thought about it before being with me and that he just needed time. He still feels about 21, and I've explained to him that he is actually 30 and there's never going to be a good time... I think the real clincher for him was when he tried to use the fact I wouldn't be able to get my bike licence next year if I fell pregnant now and I told him that it's something I want to do but it's just not that important in comparison. He's had to take me seriously after that haha
We are definitely heading in the same direction, just he's quite a way behind me lol. I know I can't drag him along (as much as I want to) so i need to slow myself down... It's sooooo hard!
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Post by HolsBols on Nov 10, 2014 23:40:13 GMT 1
Wills, it sounds very much like we have been going through what you have-except the roles are reversed. He didn't want to talk about it until the cracks started to show and he realised just how much it means to me.
I suppose it'd be easier if I had a timeframe to work to, but he just doesn't know at the minute!
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Post by lizpurlo on Nov 11, 2014 0:08:27 GMT 1
Holsbols, your man sounds lovely, and I'm so glad you've found each other, that's just great. I do think that some men do worry that they'll be elbowed out when a little one arrives, and they just don't like the thought, especially when just being the two of you is so much fun. The men in my life have all thought like that, so it's just as well I've never ever wanted children either! So the fact that he'll actually talk about wanting children, even if it's 'one day', is very promising, I'd say. Totally sympathise with him over the wedding day thing. Exactly how I feel. If me and my fella ever tie the knot, it'll be in and out of the registrar's office followed by a nice pub lunch somewhere. And not a photographer to be seen.
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Post by HolsBols on Nov 11, 2014 10:25:21 GMT 1
Thanks Liz :-) you're right, the "one day" is very promising. Maybe that's what I need to focus on :-)
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Post by antares on Nov 11, 2014 14:11:27 GMT 1
Men are such fragile wee things aren't they? lol
I would also break it down - is it important to have it all at the same time? Do you NEED to be married and then immediately have a baby or is the baby more important and you NEED to have a baby and then marriage can wait? Different couples do things differently. Personally for me marriage comes first but I am probably a little old fashioned. Many of my friends have got married and then immediately tried for a baby and fell pregnant but I think there's no harm in just enjoying being married for a while first. Sometimes doing both at the same time is too much pressure and I have seen good friends really go through the mill because of this.
OH & I have spoken about having babies at various times - never wanting to rule it out just in case my body clock did catch up with me but it's never happened. Neither of us want children and I think that's pretty certain now but that doesn't stop me loving being married to my husband
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Post by HolsBols on Nov 11, 2014 14:38:00 GMT 1
Fragile indeed lol
To be honest it's more the baby for me but I've been brought up to be married first hence the reason for wanting both. Strangely he seems more open about the baby idea, and will talk about it (as long as it's a in the future convo) but he's more resistant to the marriage. He's always been honest with me though and told me marriage wasn't important to him, and it wasn't to me when we first met. But things have changed for me as time has gone on...
I do feel sorry for him having to put up with me like this lol
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Post by lizpurlo on Nov 11, 2014 17:03:26 GMT 1
LOL Holsbols, I just love your last sentence there! Totally the right attitude with a great dash of humour. You'll be fine. It's the terribly needy women who go on and on about desperately wanting marriage and babies that send men running for the hills. xx
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Post by jamesb on Nov 11, 2014 18:08:42 GMT 1
LOL Holsbols, I just love your last sentence there! Totally the right attitude with a great dash of humour. You'll be fine. It's the terribly needy women who go on and on about desperately wanting marriage and babies that send men running for the hills. xx Quite so……
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2014 19:37:52 GMT 1
He'll get there like most men he needs time to get the information through his thought processes..........and when he does then he will make the most wonderful dad ever!
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