Depression Question

[KimT]

Hello,

In all the searching I have done on depression I cant seem to find anything on after your recovery. Do you ever 'get over' depression? Does it ever go away.

I only ask because I was diagnosed with depression years ago and was on medication. Since then many things have changed and I am not on medication (havent been for many years) and I believe I am doing well.

However I still get days when I feel like I could be depressed. These are often few and far between. I like having my animals (even though I am finding it hard work on my own) because they get me out of bed. When I was depressed I became very 'lazy' and didnt want to get up or go outside and became a bit of a recluse. I am aware that if I let myself I will fall back into that pattern and dont want to become depressed again.

I do have mood swings which I try to manage as best I can. The problem is that I dont know if these are 'normal' or if it is due to my previous depression and if depression is a life long illness that you just have to manage.

[portiabuzz]

sending hugs your way, keep smiling and having lots of fun with Lady xxx

[HolsBols]

My personal feeling is that it's a life long illness, not because we are suffering for the rest of our life but because we have become aware of it and we will never stop analysing our moods. Any non depression sufferers wouldn't think anything of a 'lazy day' where you don't want to leave the house. That was one of my symptoms too and if I have a day like that I worry it's coming back and if I need to be back on medication.

I don't believe I'll ever be able to switch that awareness off, and I know I'll be quicker to go on medication so I never end up as bad as I was but I do often question whether before I was diagnosed, I'd be able to deal better with what was thrown at me through the lack of fear of what it could become in comparison to now.

I've told my oh (who has never suffered) that it'll never go away and I'll be on and off tablets for the rest of my life. I think I've made this acceptance so I stop feelig like a failure when I need a bit more help. I do hate this illness!!

[KimT]

I am hoping that I can stay off the medication because I feel a lot stronger than I did. I have always been a very strong person but at one point things got a bit too much (which included a very bad OH) and I have definitely learnt not to get in that situation again.

I find I end up going the other way on 'lazy days' and push myself more to get out and do something. Even if its walk the dogs somewhere different. I always feel better for going outside so I make myself do it.

I mostly don't think about it at all and carry on like normal but I do have days when I notice it and struggle a bit but I am stubborn enough to push through it now. I didn't like how I was before so don't want to go back there.

[HolsBols]

Your post makes me happy KimT because it sounds like you really have it under control. I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

I've had to go back on them once because my job became unbearable (not even an exaggeration-a lot of people were on the sick with stress) but as soon as the company went into administration and I got made redundant I was able to come off them pretty much instantly.

Generally though, I would say I'm also in control and it would only ever be exceptional circumstances that would make me need some extra help... I think I live in more fear than you do though.

Do you feel that it's something you'll suffer with for the rest of your life?

[ruthp]

I too think that once you have had depression you will be prone to having it again. The stats on repeat bouts are something like 50% chance of another bout after one! and 70% chance of a third bout.

I think of it as a sort of door in your brain, that you can't fully shut once it's been opened.

But, just because you are prone to depression, doesn't mean you WILL get it again. After my second dose I had counselling, which made a huge difference to the way I think about things, and the amount of pressure I put on myself. That was about four years ago, and since then I've had blue days, but never got close to being I'll again.

So yes, the door could open again, but now I'm keeping a foot firmly wedged against it!

Just be careful about being too strong and determined - that's what gets most of us into depression in the first place. It is generally the people who are strong and refuse to let things get to them who eventually become overwhelmed. If things are getting on top of you, seek help before it really becomes a problem!

And no, I don't think I'll "suffer" from it the rest of my life, but I will probably need to guard against it to ensure that I don't.

[lizpurlo]

I've never admitted this before - but I've found myself sliding into depression over the last couple of years, and only recently realised with a jolt what it was. Horrible, this loss of motivation, one day merging into another, just not getting things done - just not the old 'me' at all, and it happened so slowly, I didn't know it was happening at all.

Hell will freeze over before I seek medical help...... but the best thing I've found is my old friend EFT. I have to sit quietly and imagine how I feel as a 'thing' - very often, it's a dark grey chilly cloak swirling round me, blocking everything out. So I tap on that, 'even though this dark cloak is swirling round me...' and so on, and while it's not a miracle cure, it turns a dark grey cloak into a warmer, sunnier translucent veil, just there to protect me, and I can live normally with that, and get life moving again.

Kim, I so agree with going out and doing stuff, even though it's such an effort - that is a great mood lifter too. You have my total sympathy. I honestly never ever thought it would happen to me, and it's grim.

[KimT]

Oh liz im sorry you are going through this too.

I have never been a big talker about my feelings. It doesnt make me feel good to talk about the things that started this all off. More scared, exposed and vulnerable. I have never gotten on well with counselling because you talk but nothing comes out of it. Im an action person. I make plans and work towards things. There is only one person i feel that comfortable around and ive only been talking to them a few months so we arent really on deep painful stuff yet.

I mostly wondered because when trying to find information about depression it was all about medication and getting you through that 'episode'. There wasnt really anything about dealing with it afterwards or managing it.

I love my yard partly for the people and partly because its a working farm of around 400 acres. I can kind of get lost walking the dogs. I find a lot of peace there and i love feeling that. Having lady and the dogs means i get up and go somewhere i get a lot of benefit from. I also take the dogs up the ridgeway once a week. It gets me away from from the world for a bit. Financially and personally im just taking each day as it comes for now.

[cookie]

Liz, please consider counselling. My gp suggested anti depressants for post Natal depression three years ago. I chose to try counselling first and it worked well. I see my counsellor still every six months or so. I see it as a bit of a safety met because as you say, I slipped into it almost without realising. I agree with ruths post. I won't allow myself to worry about suffering from it in future but I do recognise I might be more susceptible than others, hence keeping I'm touch with the counselor x

[companymagic]

Depression does unfortunately go in cycles. I was told by my Gp so its very common to have reoccurring bouts unfortunately. However you can and have learnt the sysmtons which is is a good thing as it means you are aware and can take action. I honestly really suffer. And just to make things worse have suffered a really bad bout of PND this year which was worse than normal. However this time I refused medication (that's all I was offered, even though I made.it clear I wasn't going to take them and even clearer how much I was struggling) but just that admittance of feeling out of control with my downward moods again to my nearest gave the energy I needed to start climbing my way back up again. Its tough and I still have days when I know I am not over it but at least I am making process.

Unfortunately I live with this shitty illness and have accepted that I always will. It does get better and having people aware of it helps. Also I have found making sure my diet is better no caffeine which worsens the anxiety attacks and oil of evening primrose have helped greatly.
Huge hugs you are not alone x

[ruthp]

For those of you who are so resistant to medication for depression, would you mind explaining why?

As you know, depression still has a stigma in for some people, which is totally unjustified. We still don't really know exactly what the processes that cause it are, but the end result is an imbalance in the brain chemicals, where it fails to produce the vital chemical, serotonin. Now, if for example you had diabetes - an imbalance in your blood chemicals where you are failing to produce insulin - you wouldn't think twice about taking the supporting medication to help manage the condition. Why is depression so different?

Please don't think I'm criticising anyone for their personal decision on this - I'm just concerned that adamant anti medication statements could deter other people for whom chemical support could be helpful.

I did take antidepressants for both my bouts, and I'm very glad I did. Without them I doubt I would have been able to engage in the counselling that finally helped me understand some of what was happening. I have now been off them for over four years, but I wouldn't hesitate to seek medical support again if I felt it necessary. As far as I'm concerned, when suffering from a brain chemical imbalance, it's no different to the asthma medication I take every day. Without it I am very ill, with it I'm healthy.

[companymagic]

Ruth, I totally agree!! For me this time around though it was different for me.
I have taken medication for my last 2 bouts but this time I refused for two reasons.
1) I am still bfing my son and all AD will be present in my milk and I was not happy to do that
2) Having had them before I know the side effects at the start of the course can be (for me personally) quiet vile and without the offer of any other support other than medication I was too worried I would get worse before got any better and I really couldn't get any worse without a lot of support in place.
This time so far so good. But my husband is aware of my illness and helps monitor how I am. Its really hard to see it whwn you're in it!

This time I am confident I can get back on an even keal myself but if I really cant I wouldn't hesitate to take medication to support me.

[ruthp]

Thanks CM. I totally get why you don't want to take medication at this point. I always think that PND must be the most devastating form of the illness, as everyone around you is expecting you to be full of the joys of new motherhood, and so you feel almost compelled to perform that role. While really you are exhausted, miserable and feel as if you're not coping. I can't imagine how difficult it must be, and I wish you, your baby and your OH all the best.

[portiabuzz]

Hugs to everyone xxx

Sent from my GT-I8160

[lizpurlo]

CM, that's so hard, I'm sorry. Interesting to hear about the EPO, might try some of that. Ruth, I have an elderly friend who had a bad bout of depression, and she went to her doc who prescribed medication, and she told me she lost a year of her life, just felt like an emotionless zombie all the time. So that puts me off, big time - added to which, I loathe going to docs, last time I went (in 2001, for another problem) just felt like I was wasting my time and his, so I never bother nowadays. Disgustingly healthy, me.

Had a serious trawl round of EFT sites with relevant content, and found www.tapintoeft.com - worked through some of that which hit the spot. All ancient childhood stuff, being the sole offspring of brilliant academic who in spite of his (ultimately losing) battle with tuberculosis achieved incredible distinction. Whereas I..... well, you get the picture. Have a handle on it now.