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Post by portiabuzz on Jan 14, 2014 13:16:24 GMT 1
ok might be a silly question but for those of you who are married do you / did you feel any different to before? Do you think it changed you / both of you ? Just musing as i await the big day
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Post by ladyndibs on Jan 14, 2014 13:36:24 GMT 1
No it didn't, I married nearly 34 years ago and we were living together before, I was a strumpet then lol. We only had a small registry office wedding and spent the night before the wedding together and went to the office togther so you can see I wasn't a big one for tradition. The bit I HATED about being married though was that instead of things being addressed to him and me they were Mr .... & SPOUSE, if ever there was an ugly word that is it. There are things I would have done differantly during our marriage but hindsight is a wonderful thing and even when my depression was at it's very worst he was always there for me and still is. I could tell you stories about him that would make your toes curl but I could tell you far more that would likely get him a halo. I don't think marriage is ever perfect but has to be looked at on balance and on balance I got a diamond.
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Post by ruthp on Jan 14, 2014 14:09:42 GMT 1
I didn't expect to feel any different, but I think subtly I did! I too lived with my OH in his house before we married - I was the lodger, and that's how we met!
And because it was his house, I think getting married made a very subtle difference to how secure I felt. We never bothered to change the ownership of that property, or anything on the mortgage. The biggest difference in the way I felt came a few years later when we moved house. We chose this one together, it was bought jointly, and the mortgage was in both our names. It sounds a bit daft looking back, but somehow that was a huge emotional turning point for me.
We've been married 23 years now and I wouldn't change a thing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2014 15:27:12 GMT 1
Well I'm not really qualified to say anything about being married as mine only lasted about 8 months! Let me explain we had been together for 12 and half years prior to getting married and we had a daughter..........and things were fine, it was parents on both sides who wanted us to 'put thing on a more permanent footing'.........that was BIG MISTAKE! Thing were never quite the same after we got married and we split up before our first proper anniversary......there was a lot of background stuff that contributed to the split I hasten to add faults on both sides.
But when you get a good one you hang on to him for dear life theres not that many princes around these days!
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Post by troop on Jan 14, 2014 18:18:35 GMT 1
Not married to scared to try BUT if you have a best friend in your relationshi then he is worth keeping. Im sure a lot do feel different when they get married but its because they are doing so for the wrong reason i.e because it is the next logical step or its a dream they had since a small child LOL. Have a truly wonderful wedding day but most of all have a truly beautiful marriage (even if at times it is hard work ;P )
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Post by Diane D on Jan 14, 2014 20:17:28 GMT 1
I have been married for almost 3 years now and this is a second marriage for both of us( we are in our early 50's). We lived together for 3 years before we married and for both of us we do feel different and our love for each other is so strong. I married my soulmate and it is wonderful to have made that commitment to each other. My first marriage lasted 6 years and ended with my ex husband's adultery. Some people may say that marriage is only a bit of paper but for us it goes much deeper than that. I just wish I had met him many years ago as I had some sad and lonely times on my own. Enjoy planning your wedding Portiabuzz. Make the day about you two and try and get just 5 minutes together on your own. It passes so quick. Look forward to spending your lives together. Best wishes xx
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Post by lizpurlo on Jan 14, 2014 21:20:56 GMT 1
It is a huge change for both parties, suddenly becoming a married couple. It's wonderful when it works, and hell on earth when it doesn't. My marriage lasted nearly ten years and during that time I slowly realised that the jolly and sweet man I'd married was turning into a manipulative bully. Months of agonising and weighing up the pros and cons of clinging to the wreckage, or swimming to the shore....... thank God I didn't have any children. I got out, just about in one piece, and revelled in the blissful peacefulness of living alone for years afterwards. I have my diamond geezer now. Would I marry him? I don't know - I can imagine us nipping into a registrar's office somewhere in Mid Wales on a wet Thursday morning, and coming out married. Maybe one day.
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Post by jennyb on Jan 14, 2014 21:38:34 GMT 1
Same as lizpurlo, I was with my ex husband for 16 years. His infidelity ended things, as well as his behaviour towards me. He was very sweet and kind when we first met and slowly changed into a selfish bully. He was quite clever about it, and I'm sure would say that he wasn't a bully, but actually he was. Thank goodness we had no children together, and thank goodness I was strong enough to walk away and end it.
I have nothing against marriage however, I just think I picked the wrong person! Second time around I am much happier, I can't wait to marry my fiance, he is polar opposites to my ex. He also has been married before and felt very unappreciated and misunderstood, we are both so excited about our future together, it's nice to feel so well matched!
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l17
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Post by l17 on Jan 14, 2014 23:13:04 GMT 1
We got married in August after 13 years together. I don't feel any different except that it brought us even close together planning the wedding. It still feels a bit unreal that we are actually married. Definitely take time to enjoy the day and do what makes you both happy.
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pip
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Post by pip on Jan 15, 2014 0:04:45 GMT 1
I am the last of a dying breed. We did not live together before we got married, nor anything else! So it was a bit of a learning curve. Did I feel any different, no not really, I still felt like me. We have been married for 33 years and hardly had an argument. We are different, but I suppose we accommodate our differences and give each other room and don't nag about something that isn't going to alter.
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Post by portiabuzz on Jan 15, 2014 16:55:06 GMT 1
thank you everyone for sharing your stories, i loved reading them, brought a tear to my eye my ex asked me to marry him several times (am sooo glad i didnt) i think i would have a similar story - he was jealous manipulative etc etc and i refused him (he also tried to get me pregnant and i was going to get the snip i was so against it, he just did it to trap me) Im just so happy to have found my OH, dont have to worry about things on my own anymore
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Post by portiabuzz on Jan 15, 2014 16:56:45 GMT 1
Same as lizpurlo, I was with my ex husband for 16 years. His infidelity ended things, as well as his behaviour towards me. He was very sweet and kind when we first met and slowly changed into a selfish bully. He was quite clever about it, and I'm sure would say that he wasn't a bully, but actually he was. Thank goodness we had no children together, and thank goodness I was strong enough to walk away and end it. I have nothing against marriage however, I just think I picked the wrong person! Second time around I am much happier, I can't wait to marry my fiance, he is polar opposites to my ex. He also has been married before and felt very unappreciated and misunderstood, we are both so excited about our future together, it's nice to feel so well matched! thats so similar to me and my OH, he was in a long term relationship and got controlled same as i did in mine and was unhappy. so we now both happy together congrats on your engagement xxx
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Post by portiabuzz on Jan 15, 2014 16:57:43 GMT 1
It is a huge change for both parties, suddenly becoming a married couple. It's wonderful when it works, and hell on earth when it doesn't. My marriage lasted nearly ten years and during that time I slowly realised that the jolly and sweet man I'd married was turning into a manipulative bully. Months of agonising and weighing up the pros and cons of clinging to the wreckage, or swimming to the shore....... thank God I didn't have any children. I got out, just about in one piece, and revelled in the blissful peacefulness of living alone for years afterwards. I have my diamond geezer now. Would I marry him? I don't know - I can imagine us nipping into a registrar's office somewhere in Mid Wales on a wet Thursday morning, and coming out married. Maybe one day. am so glad your happy no one deserves to be treated like that, its so hard to get away from these kinds of people xx
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Post by spanisheyes on Jan 16, 2014 18:06:29 GMT 1
Ive been with my husband for 10 years married for 5 and a half. We have both changed, people always do because life changes you but its not marriage that changes you its the other stuff you live through. For me having a bad car accident and having a miscarriage were life changing in a bad way. Having my baby daughter has been life changing for good! The real question is if you grow together rather than apart as the years go on. I never understood until recently what people meant when they said marriages need work. I felt different after I got married because it gave me a sense of permanence and stability that I dont think Id have felt if we had just carried on cohabiting. Congrats on your upcoming big day, Im sure it will feel very special indeed
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Post by specialized on Jan 16, 2014 22:10:55 GMT 1
I think it depends on whether you live together before getting married, if so it probably won't feel a lot different. When we got married 27 years ago we did not live together so it was massively different being married, especially as we have now worked together for all of those years so are pretty much together 24/7. Luckily we are very good friends....
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