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Post by gwenoakes on Nov 6, 2010 18:37:22 GMT 1
Neither am I LOL.
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Post by ☺Smithy☺ on Nov 6, 2010 19:49:22 GMT 1
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. 'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him. 'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. 'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear. 'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured. 'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers. 'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands. She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...
************************************
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Post by gwenoakes on Nov 6, 2010 20:05:20 GMT 1
LMAO ROFL PMSL LOL LOL LOL................Very, very good Smithy.
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Post by aero on Nov 6, 2010 23:10:48 GMT 1
Brilliant
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Post by ☺Smithy☺ on Nov 7, 2010 14:14:09 GMT 1
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! ‘What beautiful animals! He said to himself.
Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. . . And saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him He ran as fast as he could along the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him.....
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.... and then..... He tripped and fell.
Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him..... Reaching towards him with its left paw ... At that instant the Atheist cried out, ‘Oh my God!'
Time Stopped ... The bear froze...... The forest was silent....
A bright light shone upon the man,
and a voice came out of the sky....
"You deny my existence for all these years, you teach others I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident .... Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light .... "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ... but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
... A pause.... "Very well," said the voice ...
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed ...
And the bear dropped his right arm.... brought both paws together.... Bowed his head & spoke ... "Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive
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Post by troop on Nov 7, 2010 14:49:53 GMT 1
haha brilliant
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Post by jamesb on Nov 7, 2010 15:42:08 GMT 1
A woman in her thirties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful-the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them. "The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "No point asking about the beard then..........!"
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Post by ☺Smithy☺ on Nov 7, 2010 17:16:02 GMT 1
ROFL good un James
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Post by troop on Nov 7, 2010 19:00:45 GMT 1
lmao
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Post by ☼ WIZARD ☼ on Nov 7, 2010 22:47:02 GMT 1
your both on form arent you? brill jaymez
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Post by gwenoakes on Nov 8, 2010 0:07:01 GMT 1
Very good Smithy and James, looks like you have something in common after all! ROFL.
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Post by ☺Smithy☺ on Nov 8, 2010 12:27:20 GMT 1
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day to be confronted by a well-dressed Young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered Vacuum cleaners..." ''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to Close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot In the door and pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty'' he said, ''not until you have at least Seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her Hallway carpet. "Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity This morning!"
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Post by HolsBols on Nov 8, 2010 12:37:51 GMT 1
LOL they are all fab!!!!!
My OH was throwing cheese at me this morning, i told him Thats Mature!!!!!!
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Post by ☺Smithy☺ on Nov 8, 2010 14:06:38 GMT 1
LOL HB that could be as mature as men get.ROFL
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Post by aero on Nov 8, 2010 21:56:20 GMT 1
Briliant everyone................ really cheered me up.
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