buzzy
Novice Poster
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Post by buzzy on Jun 20, 2008 21:57:05 GMT 1
I know this is too late, but judging by other people's "crackers" I think I have a similar problem so will follow with interest. Basically I don't trust my horse. Have absolutely no reason NOT to trust him as he is practically perfect in every way (this is not a joke and I'm not being a biased mummy!). I think my problem is that I don't trust myself.
Anyway, good luck everyone with cracking your problems and well done for being able to talk about them openly!
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Post by dashequestrian on Jun 20, 2008 22:27:25 GMT 1
I haven't read PC yet so don't qualify, but will be following this from the sidelines, can relate to so many of the comments people have made!
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Post by wendyihts on Jun 21, 2008 0:33:28 GMT 1
ooo, gives me shivers writing that out, but it's one of those 'things' that seems necessary these days, isn't it. OK, brilliant! Thanks, everyone, for your Cracker stories and for sharing all those personal feelings and experiences. It's really important to get to know people a little and also to have that level of sharing. So much of our confidence is to do with how we think and feel about certain events rather than about the events themselves. What strikes me about the stories are how there are lots of similar themes - and luckily enough (!) I reckon they're all covered within Perfect Confidence. Quite smart that Marks lady... It's pretty clear, from reading through the stories, that fear's a big theme. People sometimes genuinely feel really scared for their own safety and that makes sense when you consider that horses are big strong animals with their own unique view on the world! But I'm not really sure that fear and confidence can live together; seems that we won't really become confident until we can put our fears into perspective and shrink them down to a more manageable size. The other thing is that is quite a big theme is that we need to understand the difference between 'Clean Pain' versus 'Dirty Pain'. There's an article here that you can read edition.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/01/15/o.leash.on.life/index.html to give a bit more explanation. But basically there's the bad things that happen to us that cause us to suffer for a while - the 'clean pain' and then there's the suffering we inflict on ourselves because of all the beliefs, ideas and explanations we use to deny aspects of our lives - and that's known as the 'dirty pain'. The reason it's quite important to understand the difference in between clean and dirty pain is that it helps us to figure out the little voices in our heads - the angel on our shoulder and the devil on the other. The Angel voice is sometimes called The Small Still Voice Inside or the Voice of Inspiration; it's the internal best friend, it's the one we should be listening to a whole lot more! It's even got a real (though utterly bizarre) scientific name so it must be a real thing, right?? The Devil, on the other shoulder, is the Small (not so) Still Voice Inside That Thinks You Suck. That's the 'dirty pain' voice, the one that causes a lot of the suffering and the damage to our confidence. (OK, I'm going to post this now before I've finished cos I want to avoid losing it!)
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Post by wendyihts on Jun 21, 2008 0:51:18 GMT 1
I hope that, over the next week or so, we're going to figure out individually which voice is which (because it's not always that easy to tell) and we're going to start learning ways to deal with the Devil on our shoulders and we're going to turn up the volume on the Angel voice. The Angel voice really is a friend when it comes to being confident around horses because it's that Small Still Voice Inside that's trying to keep us safe. I don't know about you but quite often the Angel really has to SHOUT before I hear it. It shouts 'double check that girth!!' and 'DON'T gallop up that verge because you don't know if there's a hidden danger there' - and then when I heed it I find that there was actually a broken drain pipe somewhere along it that the horse could have put its foot down. Generally, I find that the Angel voice doesn't shout, to me, 'WHO do you think you are trying to enter that jumping competition?? You're no where near good enough!' My Angel might say to me, though, 'those fences look really big. Do you have enough jumping skill at the moment to manage them safely?' Do you notice a slight difference in emphasis between the two voices? The Angel voice tries to keep us away from the 'clean pain' whilst the Devil voice tries to keep us inside the 'Dirty pain'. OK, in my last post I said that Fear and Confidence don't seem to be able to co-exist happily so we will work on trying to reduce Fear. BUT we still have to keep safe - sometimes Fear is the Angel voice sending out a big signal that we need to hear. At the front of the Perfect Confidence book I do seem to remember there is a section about assessing the risks you are taking and finding ways to manage those risks in order to minimise them. I also wrote an article about safety last year, which is on this thread here ihdg.proboards91.com/index.cgi?board=talk2&action=display&thread=44829 So, the first task, should you choose to accept it is to go and read that chapter in Perfect Confidence about how fear is sometimes a healthy thing and then do your risk assessment. And then, most importantly, think about how you can reduce that risk by using either passive or active safety like I described in the article. See if you can hear your Angel voice trying to help you out (tip: it's the one that doesn't think you suck! ) And then let me know how you got on. OK?
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tammy68
Grand Prix Poster
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 1,868
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Post by tammy68 on Jun 21, 2008 8:10:17 GMT 1
I suppose my crackers are no different to many of those who have posted on here and I was tempted to sit back and learn through what is advised for them, but there is something here that is making me want to take action in the hope that doing so really can make a difference, if I am too late then I will still watch and hopefully learn. My fears are of my horse tripping and falling when I'm cantering or galloping (this actually happened to me on my pony when I was about 16 and it never bothered me at all then. It frightened me that he may have broken his leg but I literally jumped back on once I knew he was okay and carried on cantering with my friend across the field. He had put his foot in a rabbit hole and we were on the floor so quickly). Another fear is of the horse I'm riding stopping dirtily or stopping and cat leaping over a jump. This is strange as my first pony used to cat leap whole courses of jumps and the courses were often over 3 feet! I did have a horse from someone when my daughter was small and he had a really dirty stop. I do think it stems from him as I did jump him but became wary of doing so and even an advanced eventer friend of mine who saw him do it said she'd never take him round a course as he wasn't trust worthy. He would leave it to the last second as he was taking off and then put down! As I write this, I think I can encapsulate my fears by saying that it would seem that I am frightened of the unexpected, that which Idon't feel I am prepared or ready for. I don't really feel able to realx when I ride
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Post by wendyihts on Jun 21, 2008 8:18:59 GMT 1
Hi Tammy, Thanks for posting your Cracker - you now have your risk assessment assignment to do! It would be really great now if people could not post any more crackers as, if we continue getting them we will simply not manage to move forward on the thread and the whole thing will become very confused. If you're interested in following this process, however, you could still write out your cracker, perhaps on a Word document or by hand, and follow from there. I really don't want to have to ask the Moderators to remove certain posts - they certainly have enough to do in life anyway LOL - but that would be the only way to avoid losing the whole thread if it's starts to get mixed up. Many thanks!
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milo
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milo, lily, bob,henry and monty
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Post by milo on Jun 21, 2008 8:49:50 GMT 1
ive got a big devil sat on my shoulder but my angell's fighting back.
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em&ed
Grand Prix Poster
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If I had just a little humility, I'd be perfect....
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Post by em&ed on Jun 21, 2008 12:52:28 GMT 1
Hi Wendy I've read both articles and found them very interesting - now I'm off to do the assignment. Hope there's not a tight deadline So, the first task, should you choose to accept it is to go and read that chapter in Perfect Confidence about how fear is sometimes a healthy thing and then do your risk assessment. And then, most importantly, think about how you can reduce that risk by using either passive or active safety like I described in the article. Can someone confirm if it's Ch2 we need to read please? Title: 'Perfectly Valid Fears' and also that the assignment set by Wendy is not one that is in the book sorry for being a thicko - lol (hope you're not regretting this Wendy?! lol)
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Post by wendyihts on Jun 21, 2008 15:50:02 GMT 1
Yup, that sounds like the right chapter. I can't find my own PC book at the moment; think I may have left it at my mum's in the UK I think the assignment in Ch 2 is quite similar to the one I've suggested above isn't it?
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Post by wendymp on Jun 21, 2008 16:07:27 GMT 1
Hi, very interesting articles, thanks Wendy. It is chapter 2, yes! I have done the assignment. Its interesting how much it simplifies things when you actually come to write them down. I have identified a number of 'solutions' - at least things that will help if 'the worst' were to happen. Not sure about hearing the angel voice. I know when I have managed to ignore it - identifiying it from the devil voice is a bit more tricky...
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Post by rosisotherhalf on Jun 21, 2008 16:20:46 GMT 1
Well someone has got to go first (assuming this hasn;t crossed with anyone)so here goes............. Risk assessment Is my horse too big/strong? Not really - he's 17.2hh and heavy set - i am 6ft and equally heavy set (LOL) Is he/me well schooled? Not in the traditional sense as he's an ex-hunt horse but he is bomb-proof in every way. He can sometimes be a little stubbon in a "remember i am a big horse" kindof way but it's only half hearted Things have improved for me since not having School horse lessons, but private lessons with my own horse. I'm sitting deeper into the saddle - not perching on it as much. Balance improving but still needing work Does he ride well with other horses? Yes- happy to follow or lead Riding opportunities - small indoor school (too small for fast work - he's a bit of an oil tanker). large sand outdoor school (not used), occasional use of grass fields, plenty of quiet country lanes with nice wide grass verges. we live in great horse country! Equipment used - ALWAYS hi-vis, hat, gloves, riding boots Opportunities to change the balance of "risk" in my favour 1. Body protector 2. Some lunge lessons at canter in the outdoor school to familiarise myself with the feeling whilst not having to worry about steering and brakes. Also to feel this is an outdoor environment 3. Chosing better places to go when hacking so that the horse has more limited "options" to go too fast or for too long Is this the right way to answer? ??
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bumper
Olympic Poster
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee
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Post by bumper on Jun 21, 2008 16:32:16 GMT 1
I would like to quote something from the article you posted the link to, Wendy, as I found it to be very insightful: "When I stop trying to control my mind -- that verbose, paranoiac old storyteller --my thoughts become clearer and more intelligent. It's a delicious paradox: By not trying to control the uncontrollable, we get what we thought we'd get if we were in control. This thought pleases me greatly." I rather like that. (and I am working on my risk assessment, honest )
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Post by Cetan + Molly on Jun 21, 2008 17:33:43 GMT 1
I'm not sure what to write for a risk assessment as I did take a long hard look at my situation and ended up parting company with my youngster as the problems were escalating and I wasn't doing him any favours. When handling other peoples horses I always try to: wear a hat and steel toe cap boots. use a dually and long rope. work in an enclosed area do some basic groundwork to get a feel for the horse take small steps. Sorry, that wasn't a very good answer. I think I'm being too generalised and I'm struggling to pin point exactly what my fear is. One thing I'm sure of though is that my devil voice is drowning out my angel voice!
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Post by silverlass on Jun 21, 2008 18:43:45 GMT 1
Hi Wendy,
I couldn’t wait for the assignment and I was not disappointed when I read your posting (6 am this morning). The two voices – spot on I have been thinking about it during the day and realise I am always allowing that devil voice to belittle everything I do and talk me out of growing my confidence – I don’t know where or when this devil voice came on the scene but I now realise that that little devil is running my life.
I thought the articles were brilliant and I have now also had the chance to finish my risk assessment – I have tried to be really honest with myself and I am surprised at the things I really think are risks – my horse isn’t one of them - it is the outside forces over which I have no control that feature.
I don’t know how any one else feels but I am feeling so positive today (and not just about horses), I think I am relieved to know that I am no alone in my fears – that devil voice had told me it was just me!! It has got to be silenced. Risk - Falling off a)Improve riding skills – already taking regular lessons –this is improving my balance Risk - Unexpected events a) Avoid unsafe practices, allow time and don’t rush things – that puts me on edge and I know Fin picks up on that, b)Wear a Riding Hat and riding boots, c) Ensure tack is correctly fitted d) Try to remain and keep hold of calm thoughts Risk - Concerns at the unknown on hacks a) Carry a phone, b) Wear High Viz , c)Leave details as to where I have planned to ride if riding alone, d) Build Up rapor with horse so that he is confident with me (partnership is still in the early stages), e) Hack out with another sensible horse or get the help of a "walker" f) Start with short hacks through known safe areas, g)When in doubt – consider the options and don’t worry if others may think I am a chicken – at least I will be a chicken that wants to ride another day.
Hope this is how I should have done it.
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Post by loullou on Jun 21, 2008 19:31:42 GMT 1
ok my turn:
risks walking in hand-getting away when another horse passes. solution-(1) shut the gate where possible (2) use bridle, gloves, hat and take mobile (3) do not turn and follow horse but lead away calmly.
risks riding-riding alone and all going pair shaped solution-don't do it for now. not confident enough.
risking riding in company-getting too nervous and this transmitting to horse solution-deep breaths, get chatting, ride forward and think sit deep
overall risks at minute seat not secure enough, too nervous,horse picking up and playing on it solution-(1)continue groundwork and lessons. (2)build on positive experiences. (3)put negative ones behind. 4) think about a change in saddle. (5) get teeth looked at (6) think about riding anotehr horse to get confidence levels up. (6) think of compliments been paid in past and believe them...
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