I really lost my nerve this time!

[lucitania]

I don't know if I should give up this horsey stuff alltogether or what. I have just come home from a riding lessons, whcih was a complete waste of time and money as fas as I am concerned and really has destroyed the little confidence in my own ability that I have had. Some of you may know that I have had some pretty deabilitating back issues recently, and finally I am feeling like a normal person, and really wanted to have a lessons without stirrups, trying to find my balance and posture again, trying to stop gripping with my knees etc. Well, I rode a mare (a TBx) that I have enjoyed riding in the past, although she can be a bit spooky and bright. For some reason, the mare was playing silly buggers today, spooking at one side of the school (running sideways), wiggling around, bent like a banana, head in the air etc. ! I am not a complete novice, I should be perfectly able to ride her forward and straighten her with my legs, but with every time she went sideways or leapt fowards because of a gust of wind, I just got more and more tense and nervous. At one point I thought I was going to burst into tears- it really wasn't going well. This mare wasn't bucking or bolting, just being spooky and wanting to wiggle and go sideways- I know I should be perfectly capable of handling that, but for some reason I was almost paralyzed with fear. My instructor just kept telling me to ride her forward and set her straight (which I know how to do). Afterwards I didn;t dare put her into the stable, said that I needed the loo and asked one of the girls to take her.

Going to the riding school hasn;t been a pleasure for quite a while now, due to the behaviour of some staff members. (words rude and common come to mind....) I get screamed and shouted at, told off or completely ignored, when I ask for help they say it's not their job or that I should be able to do that by myself. Now this really upsets me, I have been bullied all my life, just about, and I can't deal with being bullied in a place where I am a paying customer. I only keep going there to keep my riding going with my brilliant instructor, while I look for a horse for myself. I start to get in a very bad mood on my way there, and by the time I get on a horse I usually feel very low and negative about everything. There are no other riding schools near by, and my instructor is brilliant.

UNtil now I have kept going by telling myself, that one day soon I will have a horse of my own and will never have to go back to place.....but right now I feel panicky about getting near another horse. I am supposed to go and look at a horse in about 10 days time- I have felt quite positive about him until now (he is the pelvic rotation horse), but I really fear that I have lost not only my ability to ride due to feeling negative and panicky, but also the enjoyment it is supposed to bring. I just can't see the point in torturing myself any more, and wonder if I should just give up completely.

I seem to be more confident with horses that I have got to know, and especially the ones I have handled on the ground. I keep trying to fool myself into believing that once I have a horse, I can take time getting to know and trust him and somehow it will all be okay in the end.
I know that feeling negative and rather on-edge even before I get in the sddale, won't help me or the horse relax. You can only imagine the way some of the staff treat customers there, it is really nothing short of bullying! These people were clearly brought up in a field! I guess some people just ignore them and won't let them ruin their riding experience, but I am not one of those people. I am a gentle person, I don;t want to hurt anyone on purpose and I certainly can;t cope with this kind of treatment. I have made a complaint to the manager recently about a certain incident, and the manager was nice about it and said she would sort it out. Word must have got out, as today no one would speak to me (I asked the people in the office to book me a lesson for next week, but they just ignored me, as if I hadn't spoken!) and there was certainly some hostility in the air.

I would like to think that once I have my own horse that I can spend time with and be in a more positive surroundings (the small yard I am going to is owned by a real saint of a woman, she and her place really are fantastic) I will find the pleasure of riding again. But it doesn;'t feel like that at the moment- havning a very near panick attack on a horse is a low point, even for me!

I wonder if this blabbing on makes any sense to anyone and if I am the only one with an irrational fear of everything? I certainly won't be riding this horse again, but don't really know what else to do: I obviously have to keep riding while I look for a horse- I haven't got access to much riding apart from the riding school, so it is a take it or leave it situation. I know that the biggest hurdle is trying to feel positive, but I find this impossible in that place, those people are just unbelievable! I am not getting anything out of my lessons, if anything, things have gone backwards to wobbly lower legs, stirrups slipping, hands rising to trot.... AAARGH!!!

[Lynn]

I have worked with a client this year with similar issues, she wrote an article in the current Listening Post. If you woud like a copy of the article do e-mail me [e-mail]

[kas]

Ah blimey, there's got to be somewhere better than this you could ride. Is there anywhere you could have a go at western? I think a good western horse and trainer are brilliant for confidence boosting. The style is so relaxed and the saddle makes you feel so secure, I think it would be great if you could try that maybe.
You can always go back to English later, and many people find that western trainers make light work of some of the stuff more "conventional" instructors make complicated.
If you quit this school you should write to the manager, the treatment you got, particularly from the staff ignoring you, is completely unacceptable. Maybe ask for a refund on this last letter to compensate you for your distress - they don't get that happen much at riding schools.

[pip]

Have you considered a share horse to start with? Then you could build up a relationship with the horese, but the owner will be there in the background?

[smudge]

Poor you

I went through a similar experience following a bolting incident on a potential purchase at a "reputable dealers". I went back to the drawing board and started having lessons. All was going well until I progressed onto a spooky gelding and he dumped me on the floor. I went to jelly and couldn't get back on - anything.

Eventually I found an instructor and a stables that I gelled with. My first lesson was rubbish, but my second and 3rd were brill and I went out and bought my first horse. I still have him now (plus 5 others! LOL) and my confidence is much higher now I have a good horse to ride and I know him and he knows me (plus the others I ride - I am very lucky that they are all so good).

I would look for a new stables, a new instructor and tell the others to stick it where the sun don't shine

[jes]

lucitania, the way the staff at the riding school are treating you is appalling. As you say, you are a paying customer and should be respected as such and at least given some courtesy when you want to book another lesson and spend more money there. Why are they treating you like this? A smile and being polite costs nothing. I am disgusted. If they treat customers like that I'm surprised they've still got any.

It comes across in your post as if you are almost as nervous of going to the riding school because of the staff as of riding the horses, which must be affecting your riding. Is there nowhere else you can go to ride?

Please don't give up. Keep thinking positive thoughts and tell yourself you can do it.

Good luck

[lucitania]

There are a few riding school around, but I can't get to them without a car. Plus, Ilike my instructot and they have got some good horses there. I know that the treatment I get (and I am not the only one) is not acceptable, but the place is run by people that I can only call common- no point in explaining to the manager that ignoring a customer is just not on, because where she and her staff come from (the fields! ;D ) you either get on with it or p*ss off. She did listen to my complaint about one girl (an alleged instructor) barging into my lesson and hijacking the school, as if she owned the place. But these people don't believe in things like courtesy, customer service etc. Not everyone is that bad in that place, but the ones that are....trust me , you would not believe half the things I could tell you!

I feel like a fool thinking that once I have a horse on a private yard, I will find my confidence again. What if it doesn't happen? My instructor will come and teach me at my yard once I have a horse, she really isn;t the problem here. (she finds the situation pretty dire at times as well, but she needs the money and feels committed to her students. She says that when she had her own riding school years ago, anyone treating customers in this manner would have been sacked on the spot!)

I keep going around the locla tack stores and the interner looking for a horse share as well, I would be happy to exercise someone else's sweet-natured horse a few times a week.....but nothing. I loaned a horse at the riding school for a few weeks, but that went sour very quickly- I was actually told that I am getting in the way asking for help all the time and that I am ruining the horse I had, and who is going to pay for the loss of value etc. (hmm... sorry but I don't know where you keep your spare girths etc) I feel so low and negative and feel that my riding is going backwards and soon I will not be able to approach a horse, let alone ride one. Imagine having a horse in the stable, costing money, and not being able to ride it!

[lucitania]

Thank you jes (and others!), you got it right! I feel perhaps even more nervous about having to face those bullies, that makes me feel,negative and anxious and transfers onto the horse. But I have now come to the point where I doubt it will be different anywhere else, on a private yard with my own horse.

This school is big and is doing well. Plenty of customers, they can afford to p*ss off the odd one. My problem is that I seem to get bullied everywhere I go- I always try to be friendly and helpful and use my please's and thank you's, I guess that must come across as being weak and the bullies pick up on that. (and no, I am not a child.... ;D )

[kas]

I wish you were closer to me. My lot are so kind to be around and come March (when Fire goes to EMW) I will have only two ponies, so will need someone to ride out with.
I think that's what you need, to find someone who has a quiet horse spare who will take you out happy hacking. Why not try a thread asking here just in case?

[gordo]

Mate, you aren't going to learn a thing at a yard like this. So what if they are huge and can afford to pee people off, you don't deserve to be one of them!! You pay honest money and are entitled to be treated with respect and dignity. You are naturally aware of your physical limitations and scared of getting hurt so there is no point in you riding a horse that can be sharp, occasionally or not. You need to be on an absolute saint to give you the confidence in what your body can do without having to worry about a potential explosion!! Will you instructor not look around on your behalf and find a more suitable school and see if she can teach you from there? I would not give one more penny to the school you have been using and start the New Year with a positive and safe plan. Don't quit until you are made to (hopefully old age!!) as its your hobby and NO-ONE has the right to stop you. Very best of luck xxx

[jes]

Mmmm, maybe they think they can afford to p off the odd customer, but how many 'odd' customers will they p off before they realise their mistake. I know this is difficult but I think you should vote with your feet, if everyone they p'd off did that they might find themselves struggling.

I don't think you're weak for being friendly, helpful and polite. I think you're very brave to continue to be so when they're so awful to you.

I think that away from these people, when you're with people who are on your own wavelength, you will probably become a lot more confident and I think you will be able to cope with your own horse, esp if your instructor is there to help you.

[lucitania]

KAS, that would be lovely, I would very happy with riding someone else's horses. I have ridden a few in the past, but opportunities don't come up that often. I have ridden a friend's TB eventer a few times- for some reason he didn't scare me at all, maybe because I was quite 'friendly' with him on the ground before I got on? That is the thing I am lacking- a trusting relationship with a horse. This would be a hard enough in a riding school as it is, but to be feeling so c*ap by the time I get there, doesn't help. I gladly jump at the chance to ride these horses that belonng to people I know, but it is not a regular gig, and I would feel cheeky asking for some riding, when it is not offered. That's just me......

Might start a thread begging for some riding, though! (as if that wasn't cheeky.... ;D )
KAS, why is Fire going to EMW?

Does anyone else feel more confident on small horses/ponies? For some reason I am happier riding a small and lively horse (but not a loonie....) than a big and quiet one. I have no idea why this is, I don't think that small= safe! And the horse I am supposed to go and see is 16.2 hh ... Pants!!

[lucitania]

Thanks for agreeing with me everyone! Trust me, if there was another school I could get to without a car twice a week, I would have gone a long time ago. My instructor teaches privately and at a college, where I could not get to anyway- and she says there are some problems at the college as well.

I rant and rage when I get home, but I would have to be pushed to the limit before I would treat these people the way they treat me. It drives me wild to have to go to this place, bit I haven;t been able to make any other arrangements for keeping my riding goimg while I look for a horse.

A big comfort is that if I ever get to the point of having a horse on the private yard, the YO is sweetness herself, she is so helpful and encouraging, always giving me advice on the phone and wanting to me useful way beyond what she needs to be. Why can't more people be like that?

[kas]

Well... you're close to the ground for a start! Although Fire is 16hh and I always felt really secure on her, maybe because I remembered her as a baby ;D
I have a lady coming to see my horses on Sunday afternoons and she seems to see herself as a sort of "NH apprentice" - which feels really strange to me. She has done a lot of riding, but not much handling on the ground and she's finding that being around mine, having a go in the round pen, even just leading them, is really making her feel so much more confident. I think it would be great for you to find somewhere that you could help out a bit in return for rides. It's not cheeky at all, lots of us are crying out to find nice people to help us out!
Easiest way to explain what's going on with Fire is look for the Cry a River thread. She's got too many problems with her back, possibly her hips/back legs... she has to retire really to some flat fields

[Sutton]

Lucitania, why don't you do some work at your YO's place? Perhaps being around horses, if you have the time that is, and looking after them you might end up with sharing one of them on the yard. If you know and like the horses and people there, try to get a foot in the door and work on that angle. We have a riding school very similar to the one you describe. I used to get myself into such a tizz beforehand and they were really cliquey - you felt they were talking about what a rubbish rider you were. They probably were. I left after six months and got my own horse and we learnt together. So get involved with the nice yard and see what comes of that