Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2015 17:30:31 GMT 1
Ok here goes, this is the only place I can write this and get it a) straight in my own mind and b) the only place my family will never look
My brother who lives in Scotland and me have been estranged from each other for a good while now, and so to a certain extent have the rest of his siblings, he refused our help when he needed it a couple of years ago and then cut himself off from contact with us. We only ever hear of his doings from mum who speaks to him every week on the phone. Late last year he put mum off going to visit him saying he was having work done on his flat and that the decorators etc would drive her up the wall. Fair enough. Two weeks ago we got a phone call to say he had been admitted to hospital due to a double stroke, and that they were phoning mum as the next of kin........they got the contact details from his wallet. We go up there to see him and got the shock of our lives. He has been abroad and had transgender surgery without telling anyone, not told mum not picked up the phone and asked one of us to break the news to her........he knows that whatever has been in the past we would have told her. She's 82 for heavens sake she doesn't need shocks like that at her age.
As well as the strokes the surgery has gone horribly wrong and they have to do corrective surgery when he is stronger to make sure he doesn't have any further trouble.
His speech is slightly affected, but he made enough sense to tell us that for years he felt he was living in the wrong body........he's been in the Royal Navy for 27 years he's been married and divorced ( no children) and is still on speaking terms with his ex as we all are ( she lives in the village) and no once has he ever demonstrated any signs of wanting to change his sex, never discussed it with any of us of or sounded us out about this. His reasoning is that as he and us were not on speaking terms we wouldn't care what he did, of course I care as we all do! All of us have accepted and respected his decision that's not the point, we support him and will continue to support him through this and will welcome him back home when he is ready to come back to us. I look on it as I may have lost a brother but I have gained a sister, its the only way I can look at it, but I grieve for the brother I have lost in the process......if that's doesn't sound too contrary! Mum however cannot and will not accept it, she says she will not speak to him nor meet him again until he 'forgets all this nonsense and comes back as her eldest son' have told her that's not going to happen I know its hard for all of us and I know its harder for her, but I have to try and make her see that she hasn't lost a child as though he had died, she has still got all her 7 children just the ratio of 5 boys and 2 girls has changed ...........my other brothers are fine with him changing they still love and respect him, and they still will welcome him as a much loved member of the family, none of us have ever stopped loving him because we didn't speak to him, its the way of things that siblings fall out with each other. But what do we do about mum is the question, she is more worried about what the neighbours will say, and what the wider family will say and think if he comes back here, she wants him 'out of sight out of mind'. We have all told her its nobody else's damn business and the neighbours can go hang for all we care...........said that having one brother who is gay and lives with his partner here is something they accepted so they will accept this as well, ok he will be a talking point for a while but eventually things will settle down and no one will give it another thought
Sorry for the long rambling post but this is the only place where I know I can unload everything and I know family cannot see it!
My brother who lives in Scotland and me have been estranged from each other for a good while now, and so to a certain extent have the rest of his siblings, he refused our help when he needed it a couple of years ago and then cut himself off from contact with us. We only ever hear of his doings from mum who speaks to him every week on the phone. Late last year he put mum off going to visit him saying he was having work done on his flat and that the decorators etc would drive her up the wall. Fair enough. Two weeks ago we got a phone call to say he had been admitted to hospital due to a double stroke, and that they were phoning mum as the next of kin........they got the contact details from his wallet. We go up there to see him and got the shock of our lives. He has been abroad and had transgender surgery without telling anyone, not told mum not picked up the phone and asked one of us to break the news to her........he knows that whatever has been in the past we would have told her. She's 82 for heavens sake she doesn't need shocks like that at her age.
As well as the strokes the surgery has gone horribly wrong and they have to do corrective surgery when he is stronger to make sure he doesn't have any further trouble.
His speech is slightly affected, but he made enough sense to tell us that for years he felt he was living in the wrong body........he's been in the Royal Navy for 27 years he's been married and divorced ( no children) and is still on speaking terms with his ex as we all are ( she lives in the village) and no once has he ever demonstrated any signs of wanting to change his sex, never discussed it with any of us of or sounded us out about this. His reasoning is that as he and us were not on speaking terms we wouldn't care what he did, of course I care as we all do! All of us have accepted and respected his decision that's not the point, we support him and will continue to support him through this and will welcome him back home when he is ready to come back to us. I look on it as I may have lost a brother but I have gained a sister, its the only way I can look at it, but I grieve for the brother I have lost in the process......if that's doesn't sound too contrary! Mum however cannot and will not accept it, she says she will not speak to him nor meet him again until he 'forgets all this nonsense and comes back as her eldest son' have told her that's not going to happen I know its hard for all of us and I know its harder for her, but I have to try and make her see that she hasn't lost a child as though he had died, she has still got all her 7 children just the ratio of 5 boys and 2 girls has changed ...........my other brothers are fine with him changing they still love and respect him, and they still will welcome him as a much loved member of the family, none of us have ever stopped loving him because we didn't speak to him, its the way of things that siblings fall out with each other. But what do we do about mum is the question, she is more worried about what the neighbours will say, and what the wider family will say and think if he comes back here, she wants him 'out of sight out of mind'. We have all told her its nobody else's damn business and the neighbours can go hang for all we care...........said that having one brother who is gay and lives with his partner here is something they accepted so they will accept this as well, ok he will be a talking point for a while but eventually things will settle down and no one will give it another thought
Sorry for the long rambling post but this is the only place where I know I can unload everything and I know family cannot see it!