dausy
Novice Poster
Posts: 26 
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Post by dausy on Sept 5, 2014 8:47:40 GMT 1
I thought I had met the live of my life, I've always been a bit anxious however because I've known him for years and he's always cheated on whoever he's with. He has promised over and over that he would never do it to me and I'm pretty sure he does genuinely love me.
he confessed to looking through my phone last night and said he was annoyed I had put one kiss after a message to a work colleague. I got angry and asked to see his phone, he got very twitchy but handed it over. When I tapped onto his facebook he went mental and tried to grab it off me. I ran into the bathroom and he started breaking the door down, some had to give it back. I've finished with him purely because of this reaction, although have no proof of anything, and now he's saying he's not done anything and it's my paranoia.
I'm devastated, please tell me I'm not paranoid
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Post by antares on Sept 5, 2014 12:44:12 GMT 1
You're not paranoid keep him dumped - sounds unstable As you say the reaction would be enough for me never to have him back in my life  |
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Post by happysnail on Sept 5, 2014 13:03:16 GMT 1
Sounds frightening. I'd get out ASAP based on his behaviour if nothing else.
I've been in the position of dating someone is known all my life but had never been faithful. It hurt and messed with a lot of relationships with mutual friends.
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Post by janwilky on Sept 5, 2014 15:29:10 GMT 1
Antares is right - keep him dumped, and you're not paranoid. Just him being so suspicious and annoyed about your innocent message to a work colleague would set alarm bells off in my mind. Good relationships are based on trust - he doesn't trust you and you have very good reason not to trust him. You'll be sad for a while, but you deserve someone more worthy of your trust.
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Post by portiabuzz on Sept 5, 2014 15:40:16 GMT 1
Agree with the above that's a crazy reaction and sounds bliddy scary... move on ..
Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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Post by troop on Sept 5, 2014 15:53:19 GMT 1
That sounds like a very over the top reaction. I know if I asked to see my OH phone he would allow it and if I didn't ask and took it he would not react like that. Cheat or not it's very dodgy reaction indeed. Take care of yourself my dear xx if you need to chat feel free. I have had my fair share of man woes.
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Post by portiabuzz on Sept 5, 2014 15:56:44 GMT 1
Hope your ok xxx
Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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wills
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 4,657
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Post by wills on Sept 5, 2014 19:41:28 GMT 1
You are not paranoid, be strong & move on. That kind of reaction is never,never acceptable.
There can't be any trust there if you feel the need to check his phone & there's nothing without trust. Hope your okay.
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Post by sophy on Sept 6, 2014 10:48:43 GMT 1
You have had good advice so far. You already know the answer to your question really or you would not have to ask for other peoples thoughts on it. You just need the support to do what you know is right. This guy has had a lot of failed relationships for a very good reason. Leopards don't change their spots I am afraid. There are plenty more fish in the sea I promise you and in the meantime, being on your own will be less painful than being in a relationship with someone with these sorts of issues. He needs to get himself sorted out but there is nothing you can do to help him until he does. Counselling might help him but I doubt he will try that tbh.
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dausy
Novice Poster
Posts: 26
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Post by dausy on Sept 6, 2014 13:42:31 GMT 1
Thank you guys, I will read all this during my wobbly moments, your words have helped very much xxx
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Post by portiabuzz on Sept 6, 2014 22:04:54 GMT 1
Sending big hugs xxxx
Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards
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Post by lizpurlo on Sept 6, 2014 23:05:00 GMT 1
You are not paranoid. He sounds as if he is though! He also sounds like a bully who could get violent - please don't have a wobble and go back to him. Relationships with men like him invariably end in tears. Move on, don't look back, and go and have some fun. xx
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Post by portiabuzz on Sept 7, 2014 8:31:55 GMT 1
Well said lizpurlo  xx Sent from my SM-G800F using proboards |
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Post by kristine on Sept 7, 2014 16:09:44 GMT 1
You are right to get out! I've been cheated on... and dated a volatile, angry type. Cheating is the lesser issue... anger is a 'run for your life' situation! He never got violent, but it was coming. If you've seen it, its NOT WORTH IT. Cheating is bad, but crazy cannot be worked through.
Angry partners are dangerous and toxic, and will wreck havoc with your self-esteem and sanity. It's how they gain power and feel in control. Problem is that they never quite feel ENOUGH control, so the violence... verbal, mental or physical... continues to escalate.
My best advice is that now that the big blow-up has happened, be careful of the tricks your mind and heart plays. Don't give in to thinking it was something you did, don't give in to pleading or apologies. Be strong and LOOK FORWARD! Lean on your friends.. that's what they are there for. You are worth being happy and with someone who will respect you and make you feel safe.
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Post by portiabuzz on Sept 7, 2014 16:36:52 GMT 1
Well said I've been there too it runs you down if you don't leave then you get stuck there with no self esteem. . I was there for 6 years.. took a long time to build myself back up 4 and half years later finally lost my fear and doubt ..
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xx