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Post by kt with Hanni on Jun 4, 2014 23:25:48 GMT 1
Hi, I'm really bad for letting negative comments effect me especially coming from my friends. This will probably sound really trivial but to me it's not. I got into a conversation with my friend about doing my horse for me tomorrow evening as I'm working ( I gladly pay her). She said her mums doing him. I sent a message confirming whether it's just weekday mornings that she does her horse and her mum does evenings ( purely so I have it right in my head). She got on the defensive and started saying I quote ' well I work full time 9-5.30 ( like 90% of the world) so it's difficult. Now I work part time. I used to work full time and do my horse on my own without anyone I could rely on and I know it's hard juggling horses and working full time. I felt like she was having an unreasonable dig at me. I probably shouldn't have responded but I felt it wasn't fair what she had said. So I confirmed I had to do my horse on my own twice a day everyday and work full time. Sorry it sounds petty and it is petty but it's upset me that my friend was so unreasonable and defensive when I asked an innocent question now I dwell on it until I see her next...
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wills
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 4,657
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Post by wills on Jun 5, 2014 8:36:27 GMT 1
So easy to misread the tone of a text. I think your friend has probably taken offence to your text or maybe it got to her at a bad time & she replied with out thinking, I dont think she was trying to upset you, just mis communication on both parts. I'm bad for replying to texts after a bad day & looking back they always look negative.
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Post by kizi on Jun 5, 2014 9:24:08 GMT 1
Totally agree with above, texts can be so dangerous! I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding and/or bad timing on one or both parts! Don't stress, fix it!!!
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Post by portiabuzz on Jun 5, 2014 10:17:42 GMT 1
agree texting can come across so differently to whats meant, - like comments on here actually - when you talk face to face it makes sense
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Post by ruthp on Jun 5, 2014 10:50:37 GMT 1
Very interesting reading what you wrote KT - you are obviously upset and your language is quite defensive. I suspect the same is true of your friend. You have both made assumptions about intentions in a txt message which were almost certainly wrong! So as others have said, don't stress, talk!
And in my experience, when you feel like this, it's always best to start with an apology... I'm really sorry, I obviously didn't express myself very well,.... It's very difficult for anyone else to take offence if you do that, and can quickly defuse things.
On the bigger subject of letting things get to you, I once did a very good course about how the brain works, and one element in it was very annoying! They pointed out that you choose how you feel. I resisted this for ages - other people say or do things that upset me etc. True, they said, other people or events can be unpleasant, but you choose how you react. If you take this on board you can really start reprogramming how you react to things. It's a very annoying truth. Other people can't upset you unless you choose to be upset.
15 years on from that lightbulb moment, I still get annoyed by things and people, but I'm a lot better at recognising what's going on, and pulling myself out of it.
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Post by portiabuzz on Jun 5, 2014 11:13:55 GMT 1
thats a good point ruth, different people take the same comment for example in totally different ways.
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Post by kt with Hanni on Jun 5, 2014 13:17:58 GMT 1
Thanks everyone. I was probably being irrational and hormonal so we both took communication the wrong way. I said to her that I hope she didn't think I was having a dig etc. your totally right Ruth and I need to think more like this and retrain my brain!! X
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Post by portiabuzz on Jun 5, 2014 16:06:11 GMT 1
xx
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Post by jennyb on Jun 5, 2014 16:59:49 GMT 1
Ruth makes really good points. I've become a lot more chilled and laid back over recent years because I recognised that whilst I cannot control what others do and say, I absolutely can control how I react and deal with my response to it. Life is too short to waste time on being upset.
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Post by KimT on Jun 5, 2014 18:20:47 GMT 1
Ha. Funnily enough I was having a conversation about this last night with a friend. We have had various discussions around how having a horse and being IH has affected how I interact with people. One of the things I said i had noticed is that my reactions to things had changed. I cant change how other people react to things. Only how I react. How I react will then have an influence on how they respond.
Much in the same way as how I work with Lady. If she is having a stubborn moment (and it is stubborness) then there is no point in me getting upset and frustrated. I now just wait it out (she is 4 so has a very short attention span). I then ask her for something then we end it before she starts again. If I had gotten upset, irritated and frustrated then the situation could easily escalate to a very unpleasant one for both of us and we both leave feeling fed up and not happy with each other.
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Post by jennyb on Jun 6, 2014 9:13:24 GMT 1
Wow, how timely this thread is! I entered the Mars competition to win a £300 grant towards my sport, it's open to any sports people or clubs, chances of winning are very slim but nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. Gazdag and I have qualified for the Area Festivals at elementary and medium, and with a planned c-section looming two weeks on Tuesday, I'm going to need some serious physio and training work to be ready for November, but I'm really keen to give it a good bash. So I entered, and shared the link on Facebook. Cue a "friend" (now unfriended) putting up a stroppy post about how it's unbelievable that someone is "fundraising" for their hobby when they have a professional job and their spouse earns a lot. Er, since when did my spouse's earnings have anything to do with my self-funded hobby, and entering a competition isn't fundraising, it's just entering a competition, and there are no barriers to me entering so why shouldn't I?! I'm going to be on SMP in a few weeks anyway, not that my income is anything to do with anyone else. I was really upset last night, thank goodness for the unfriend facility on Facebook!
Some people do seem to drain happiness out of your life, the best thing is to just remove them from your life if you can and carry on without them. As above, you are in control of your reaction - I was so tempted to comment on her post but I thought life is too short and you don't matter to me, go away.
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Post by kizi on Jun 6, 2014 9:33:24 GMT 1
Yes I do the 'go away' too haha I do like that about Facebook, I do now carry the unfriend option into everyday life haha Life is hard enough with enough challenges to be worrying about people who just want to bring you down all the time! However when it comes to good/real friends it's always worth the effort to fix misunderstandings!
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wills
Grand Prix Poster
Posts: 4,657
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Post by wills on Jun 6, 2014 10:44:21 GMT 1
Wow, how timely this thread is! I entered the Mars competition to win a £300 grant towards my sport, it's open to any sports people or clubs, chances of winning are very slim but nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. Gazdag and I have qualified for the Area Festivals at elementary and medium, and with a planned c-section looming two weeks on Tuesday, I'm going to need some serious physio and training work to be ready for November, but I'm really keen to give it a good bash. So I entered, and shared the link on Facebook. Cue a "friend" (now unfriended) putting up a stroppy post about how it's unbelievable that someone is "fundraising" for their hobby when they have a professional job and their spouse earns a lot. Er, since when did my spouse's earnings have anything to do with my self-funded hobby, and entering a competition isn't fundraising, it's just entering a competition, and there are no barriers to me entering so why shouldn't I?! I'm going to be on SMP in a few weeks anyway, not that my income is anything to do with anyone else. I was really upset last night, thank goodness for the unfriend facility on Facebook! Some people do seem to drain happiness out of your life, the best thing is to just remove them from your life if you can and carry on without them. As above, you are in control of your reaction - I was so tempted to comment on her post but I thought life is too short and you don't matter to me, go away. Wow time for baby already?! Good luck Jenny hope everything goes smoothly for you x
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Post by portiabuzz on Jun 6, 2014 11:04:24 GMT 1
ooh two weeks! Exciting Jenny !! unfriend was a good decision, good on you for ignoring people like that, i get upset too easily sometimes but am learning
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Post by jennyb on Jun 6, 2014 13:03:05 GMT 1
I know, baby has come around really quickly, eek!! It really played on my mind re the unfriending thing last night, until I woke up this morning and realised that the problem is in no way with me, I don't deserve a torrent of abuse and negativity just for entering a blooming competition. What a complete cow... She is now firmly in my past, and there she will stay :-) Luckily I have some really fab close and long term friends - one of whom is also friends online with the horrible person, and is busy showing her the error of her ways and sticking up for me! I did tell her not to bother as life is too short and it will fall on deaf ears, but I'm enjoying the updates all the same... :-D
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