How do i make myself 'big'?

[sarahec]

I am 5'2'' and my 4 yr old is 15.2hh but can have an extra hand of attitude at times.

I am not the most confident person but need to learn how to make myself big without shouting or waving my arms around.
For example, when i ask him to take a step back (when he has he extra hand of attitude on) he just says to me 'make me'... he is not unpleasant about it, just laughs at me : /

My long suffering RA has tried very hard to teach me this, but i am aware of not doing it very well.

So my question is, what do YOU do to make yourself big when needed?

thanks for all help : )

[barbararob]

Inner core, just pull yourself up and thing great things about yourself.

[jen1]

i call it belly button action, like i have a light Sabre in there that's a force to be reckoned with,

[jamesb]

May I suggest something as simple as standing up as straight as you can, putting your shoulders back. In any case, although you can do little about your physical size, you can certainly increase your presence! Many of the most assertive (in a good way) people I know are quite diminutive so, as barbararob says above, draw your strength and purpose from within.

[ladyndibs]

I'm the same height as you and 2 of mine are 15.3 I'm also not very confident but I can be stubborn so I draw myself up to my full height I find mud on the soles of my boots can add a bit lol. try and stand as square/wide as possible and keep saying to myself 'you will do it' if they don't want to co-operate, we just do the same thing until they are soooo fed up with the little pest (me) that they give in.
Do you wear a hat when working with him? it doesn't make you taller but your outline is slightly bigger, also gloves and a really sturdy pair of boots, if you feel a bit more protected it may help your confidence

[sarahec]

Thanks all, great replies : )
Yes I ALWAYS wear a hat with him, he can be fond of certain ballet moves if the wind is in the wrong direction...! And have plenty of mud so i will use some of it.

I will go in thinking big thoughts and lightsabres and shoulders back next time.

Its something i cant get my head round, I have 3 sons and there is no way i would let them walk over me the way my horse does, and they are all big lads!

I think my horse was sent to me to teach me how to stand up for myself generally though, well thats what i keep telling myself!
Thanks again : )

[ladyndibs]

When are we going to see this lovely lad who's going through his terrible teens?

[sandy]

Like you I have three sons (and a daughter) who are now all grown up and if Ari gets a bit full of himself, then I engage those core muscles, set those shoulders square, look him in the eye and think to myself 'I've brought up four children -so give it your best shot - We will do it my way' and we do!

[Azrael]

Stand up straight and give pony 'the look', that same one that works on small children and some not so small ;D

[gillmcg]

Why wait for:

when i ask him to take a step back (when he has he extra hand of attitude on) he just says to me 'make me'... he is not unpleasant about it, just laughs at me : /

I'd be working on moving his feet straight away before his additudefest so when he gets antsy he can remember - ah, that's what we do, yeh, left foot in, right foot out, in out, in out, etc etc etc...... ;D You also have to work on your intention. If you don't really mean it then why the heck should they? He'll be so distracted he won't think about oneupmanship (not that he does anyway except in the case of 'I''m a serious better leader than yew!'.)

[rj]

It's something that Parelli & NH instructors have taught me.
I'm not small & I don't really lack confidence, but have found that my 'energy' tends to leak away rather than focus on the target.
As a result I am better at projecting 'down energy; for abused, nervous or scared horses, than 'up energy' at the more laid back ones. I can upset them by being too strong rather than just focussing the correct amount of energy in the right place....

You have to be grounded and strong in your core. Tai Chi & Pilates will teach you the way to go.

[sarahec]

Thanks all. Many good replies.
I tried all the shoulders back, lightsabre meaningful look etc with him today, he looked at me and said hello what do we have here then?! And took more notice of what i was asking.
It was only a small step but i got what I asked him for without confrontation and attitude. In fact it was 'well if you said you wanted it like that...."!
Also by standing straighter, shoulders back etc i felt more in my boots.
I will try to post a photo or 2 when i can work out how to.
Thanks again : )

[happysnail]

I'm 5'3 so know what you're saying. When I did the 5 day foundation I had such small energy it was sooooo difficult. I had to tap really deep over a really long period (months) to find the energy and then really found it difficult to find a new scale and work out how to use it. Practice in a mirror and practice on people. Find a busy shopping street and turn your presence on (light sabre or whatever works for you) and without being rude or bargy make people move for you. It's a brilliant experiment and a way to practice and that way you can pretend you aren't boring shopping but practicing horsemanship .

[ladyndibs]

I'm so pleased it's working for you, it's not so nice when you're always wary and they then go and grow that extra hand or two and it doesn't matter how many times you tell them if you'd wanted a horse that big you'd have bought one they don't seem to listen or if they do they never take any notice

[shan]

Good answers for you here, always believe that they will move back too - and if you're having a really confidence-lacking day then try imagining a ball of light around you about 3 feet wide, they'll sense your bigger size