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Post by lavenderlanebabies on Aug 4, 2011 12:04:14 GMT 1
I have had major problems with nerves around riding for a very long time, I now havent ridden for 3 years. I bought a gorgeous HW gelding a year ago who is a safe steady plod but I have only sat on him once, freaked out and got off. I have issues about dismounting, my head goes blank and I sit there in total panic not remembering how to do it. I got a saddle fitted for him a year ago and a thin friend has been taking him out for me on and off. I realised though that the saddle would not fit me and was high at the back so I know I would struggle to get my leg over it.
Today I got a saddler out and friend came to do the riding and I had intended on getting on. Saddle is lovely and has a square cantle and is flatter than my other but as I was gearing myself up inside to get on they both started nagging at me to get on at which point I felt myself just running away inside if that makes sense. I am a grown woman but felt 10 years old being pressurised. Hence I didn't get on, bought the saddle and couldn't wait for them to go. Saddle is a Kent and Masters.
I have just got Perfect confidence book and only a couple of chapters in.
Sorry for the moan, I can't believe I have wibbled out of getting on again.
x
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Post by iceberg on Aug 4, 2011 17:22:11 GMT 1
When I had an operation on my right shoulder, it was because I'd dislocated it about 10 times - at least 3 times dismounting! So after the op, it took about 9 months for me to be able to lift my arm up, or even 'dare' to try and raise it above my head. to this day 6 years on I still have to think about raising it incase it hurts or I push it too far! So because of this i have a real phobia about dismounting, because i cant get off and leave my arm over the saddle like others do. So for a very long time mounting and riding was fine, but getting off was a real worry. I wanted to practise - but you cant unless you are actually on a horse, so unfortunately the only way forwards was to get on and practise getting off - in my own time, and without pressure. I totally understand how this is feeling to you, the more you worry, the more you dread getting on in case you are stuck, and then that turns into a fear of actually getting on in the first place! I can only suggest to you what I did, and that was to get to know my horse really well and trust him to stand like a rock, while i faffed about - this I did with Toby and with Archie now. And practice, practise, practice. Have no intention of riding, just getting on and then getting off until you are comfortable with this - have someone there to hold your horse, feed him polos if necessary to help him stand. I practised various ways of getting off with my right arm folded across my chest, as that is the safest place for it. This means I practically lay up his neck and swing my right leg over the saddle -Whilst holding some mane. I cant do this with high backed saddles - so I know what you mean there! But too much swing and i flew off and it wasnt nice! so practice on soft ground! Its finding a way that suits you and once you find it you will wonder why you were so worried. There isnt a quick fix to this Im afraid - even now if i get on a friends horse, im wondering how im getting off! - but its not such a big deal to me now as it was, so it does get easier the more you do it. Is also my rule not to get on any horse bigger than 15.2 - silly but it helps me! Oh and I could never put my leg over the front of the saddle and slide off, i fall backwards, a big no on that one for me! You have had your cob a year now, and you deserve to enjoy him, so please give this a try and dont be pressured into doing more than you are comfortable with until you have cracked this fear. xxx
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Post by georgina23 on Aug 4, 2011 17:30:44 GMT 1
This may be a totally ridiculous idea but could you train him to stand at a mounting block/rock/tree trunk for you to get off without jumping down?
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Post by Mellymoo on Aug 4, 2011 18:03:31 GMT 1
It's horrible when people push you too much. How about I come round one day to play - I would love a go on Harvey, and if you feel like it you could hop on too. I have 3 days off work in a couple of weeks - let's make it a play date! If you feel really up for it, I can bring Jos and we could go for a ride together, or we can leave that for another time.
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Post by lavenderlanebabies on Aug 4, 2011 21:39:53 GMT 1
Hi
Thank god its not just me!! I was beginning to totally lose faith. I had had a bad day to start with, will tell you, sorry to bore you all.
Gypsies were parked outside our house/business and it was playing havoc with my nerves due to theft etc, they went after 2 weeks and its still niggling me. My husband lost his job on Tuesday and struggling to cope with his depression and mine. My daughter is unhappy at school so we are trying to find her another one before September and probably private school. My business is rocky and trying to keep clients happy. One of our ponies who I have had for 5 years has had lammi problems/hormonal ones and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer so she had them both removed last week and came home for box rest. It was this that pushed me over the edge this morning.
I got her out to muck out and she was dancing on the end of the lead rope, tried to hang herself on the fence and was being a complete idiot. She then messed about when I put her away, it was so humid and by the time I had done that I was drenched in sweat and I could feel panic building. I went to the field to catch my horse for the saddle fitting, and he comes in like an angel on any other day, today he got 3ft away from me and started snorting. He then was jumpy and started acting up pulling me around and barged into me. A previous horse i had did that and killed my handling nerves a few years ago. Anyway I let him go again and went and sat in the house until I cooled down then went and caught him and was really firm. When friend was riding him he was spooky and jumped at nothing and bucked (tiny but still there) when she put him into canter. No way was I getting on him like that. Have to add that in a year he has never ever done this before, the spooking, but friend said that he does buck when he goes into canter, he sort of leaps into it which has put the fear of god into me!
So that is my day and feel totally stupid.
Yes please Mel to the visit, we can both get on and off and have a horse day, let me know when and I will put my daughter into holiday club.
I should have been so happy to be getting a new saddle but all I felt was sick.
Sorry for the essay, big piece of chocolate if you have made it through.
x
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Post by Mellymoo on Aug 4, 2011 22:08:52 GMT 1
Don't feel stupid, we all have days like that! Especially when it's so hot, I am terrible at the moment - heat and fat people don't get on well How is Wednesday 17th for you? I am free all day, and we could go for a stroll round Rideaway too (any excuse for me LOL) as a reward for getting on and off ;D
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Post by lavenderlanebabies on Aug 4, 2011 22:15:01 GMT 1
Hi Mel
Yes that is great for me too and big yes to the rideaway treat. Message me on FB what time you will be coming how about having lunch too?
Yes being larger is a nightmare with heat. I felt really ill. However my mum told me when I was small I was ill when it was hot too and I was thin then.
Brilliant x
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Post by iceberg on Aug 5, 2011 10:39:26 GMT 1
I dont do well in the heat, makes me feel really bad!
Sounds like youve had a really 'rubbish' time,lots of stress and upheaval so its really not surprising you had a bad time with your saddle fitting, you had enough to worry about without worrying about getting off!
So dont be too hard on yourself, take melly up on her offer and do try to just get on and off without riding or spend time making sure you can get him to stand quietly, it really will pay off in the long run - you will feel safer knowing he understands not to move about while you are mounting /dismounting.
Best of luck Wog, keep going.xx
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Post by Mellymoo on Aug 5, 2011 18:05:19 GMT 1
Ooooh pony play day, can't wait ;D
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Post by ruthp on Aug 22, 2011 16:26:12 GMT 1
Hi - isn't horse owning a nightmare? We do it because we love horses, and riding, and it's a pleasure in our lives, and then we work ourselves into this state of extreme nervousness that can literally make us ill. Where exactly is the fun in that? Nuts if you ask me!
I bought Bali because my previous horse was a bolter, and I had completely lost my nerve. Bali was sane and sensible, and seemed to take care of me despite my appalling riding when I tried her. And then when I got her home I was so terrified of getting on (the last time the bolter took off was when I was mounting) that I actually stood beside her and threw up. Great!
OH was fantastic, and took time to come and hold a lead rope and lead me around the school, only unclipping the line when I felt OK. Getting off was another issue - had to have someone to hold her (despite the fact that she stands stock still anyway), and I would then usually throw myself to the ground in an untidy heap.
The turning point was finding an instructor who was really empathetic (Treacletart on here!) She understood where I was emotionally and was able to give me little nudges of confidence just to help me get past various blocking points. Another key to my "recovery" was a fantastic and sympathetic hacking partner, who never judged or questioned, just came along with me on miles of steady walks. (We now go out for a blast together every weekend!)
For me, hours in the saddle were critical to getting over my nerves - the more I rode Bali, found that I enjoyed it and was safe, the more I was able to override the fear. Don't get me wrong - I still get nervous, but now I know it's going to be OK.
So if you have people around who put pressure on you - get rid of them! You need supportive and non judgemental people who understand where you are emotionally and have sufficient empathy to encourage not push. And with regards to the depression - I too was suffering from depression when all this happened to me (I sometimes wonder which was the chicken and which the egg) but depression too can be managed with the right medication - I hope you're getting the help you need.
Best of luck. R.xxx
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Post by Mellymoo on Aug 22, 2011 22:33:24 GMT 1
I had a lovely day riding Harvey last week - he's a babe! He went really nicely, and he has much better brakes than Jos Oh, and I am going to steal your saddle too
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Post by ladyndibs on Aug 23, 2011 23:48:15 GMT 1
I have no advice hints or tips just tonnes of gratitude that you have posted your stories so that I don't feel like the only person in the world who lacks confidence, luckily I've not thrown up by my horse, I've done that before I've even got to the field though I did ride her Sunday and when she wasn't as good as I know she can be I was so glad I got cross before I panicked. I told her to in no uncertain terms, if you keep that up they'll be fewer treats tomorrow, I know how to have a paddy!!!!
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Post by Mellymoo on Aug 27, 2011 21:54:32 GMT 1
There's a lot to be said for getting cross instead of scared, depending on the horse of course!
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Post by outoftheblue on Aug 29, 2011 12:11:33 GMT 1
If its any help to you, I had a real problem dismounting too. I have ahd a lot of surgery on my knee of one leg and the ankle of the other. I went and had some training from a guy at Radway Riding School, who was brilliant. I now get off with my left foot still in the stirrup, onot my mounting block which is about four inches lower than my stirrup - if you understand what I mean. So my left leg goes over the back of the saddle with my weight into the right stirrup (I also cling onto my neck strap!!). Then when I have my left foot on the mounting block I take out my righ foot. This is highly dependent on having a horse which will stand still at the mounting block but just in case I only have my toe in the right stirrup so that if he moved my foot would come out and down onto the mounting block. I hope I have described this properly and I hope its a help. I have to saty that I still do not get on and off unless there is someone there just in case!
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Post by fth on Sept 19, 2011 14:55:19 GMT 1
THis board is SO supportive -- and the comment about needing someone EMPATHETIC is, I think -- key. once you realise that others have issues and concerns and fears and DO understand how you feel -- then things start to change!
Cathy
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